Musar para sa Mga Kawikaan 14:10

And a man may flatter his wife for the sake of peace in his home, and he may flatter his creditor so that he does not oppress him, and his teacher so that he will teach him Torah. And it is a very good deed to flatter one's pupils or companions so that that they will study and hearken to his words, accepting his reproof to observe the commandments. Likewise one may flatter any man where he thinks that he will thereby draw him to him, so that he will listen to him, and perform the commandments. If he were to come to him with anger, the man would not listen to him, but if he comes to him with flattery, the man will accept his rebuke. In such a case, it is a very good deed to flatter him in order to bring forth the precious from the vile. For there is a man that will not accept a rebuke when it is delivered with scolding, but will when it is done gently, as it is said, "The words of the wise spoken in quiet" (Eccl. 9. 17). There are times, however, when scolding is necessary, as it is said, "A rebuke entereth deeper into a man of understanding" (Prov. 17:10). And there are times when even a lashing is proper, as it is said, "And stripes for the back of fools" (Prov. 19:29). And there are times when even a lashing will do no good, as it is said, "Than a hundred stripes unto a fool" (Prov. 17:10). If so, what shall we do to him? There is no way of correcting him, therefore you must drive him away.

In most cases, even at a mitzvah feast, if no words of Torah are spoken and there are no poor people present, quarreling and strife break out. For what pleasure does the Holy One, Blessed is He, derive from an affair of eating and drinking that is devoid of the rejoicing of a mitzvah? And how much more so if the rejoicing is mixed with thoughts of sin, for instance, when men and women, and teenage boys and girls sit together! Great pitfalls are thus created. Men and women dance in circles together, not realizing that the Satan, with many demons are dancing in front of them. What is the value of such rejoicing? Yet this iniquity has become very common, on account of our many sins, throughout the lands of Poland and Lithuania. Therefore let every man who fears the word of Hashem be careful to seat the men and women separately in order to distance himself from transgression and in order that the Satan will not mix up the joy of the mitzvah. For it is stated, “In our rejoicing let no stranger mix in” (Mishlei 14:10). [The “stranger” is the Satan, as it is stated, “Do not bow down to a strange god” — Shemos 34:14 — again referring to the Satan.] And let him be sure to grant a portion of every feast to the poor [as I have discussed at length in Chapter Ten].